Does Your Kid Know When to Ignore Your Advice?

Okay, sorry, I had to reel you in with a catchy title. But does your child know when to take action on advice given to them and when not to?

Put yourself in your teens shoes for a day. They wake up. They get instructions on when to get out of bed, how long to brush their teeth for, what to eat in the morning, what layers to put on, what kit to take. When they get to school, they sit in an assembly full of advice on how to stay safe on the internet or fire safety of whatever fun thing school wanna bang on about that week.

Then they sit in 5 lessons in a row. Being told how to sit, how to speak, when to speak, what to say, how to behave, what to write, how to spell, how to count. Then they hand in their work and it comes back with green pen scribbled all over it (yes, green pen has replaced red pen). It comes with a multitude of advice of "write spellings in the margin" and "you forgot to simplify this".

This is probably accounting for only 10% of the advice that kids receive in a day. Every single day.

Why is this a problem? 2 reasons.

#1] It leaves them little room to think for themselves. I recently wrote a PDF guide on how to revise GCSE Maths. In it is about 30 ideas on how to revise Maths. You can grab it here https://www.mrsmythmaths.co.uk/shop

A well meaning adult will look at this and say "Ah, this is the way that would work great for my daughter/student". Whilst we mean so well and we're so well intentioned. What does this child think about this? Giving them room to take or not take advice is super important. It's heartbreaking for us when we advice kids and they don't take it and the outcome is them getting hurt or something negative happens. But this negative feedback is exceptionally important for them. They need to know how bad something FEELS rather than be told. If I had never fallen off a skateboard and you just told me how much it hurts to fall off one, I'd believe you. But when I first fell off a skateboard and felt that wheel slam into my shins as my face smashed into the ground. Wow. That hits different than being told.

Making mistakes is crucial for kids. I know how much you love your kids. I know. Give them as much advice as you need. But then, let them to the critical thinking. If something goes wrong after they didn't take your advice? Ask them "What went wrong? How did it happen? How did it feel? What adjustments can you make so the outcome is better next time?"

#2] This is one pointer that over 30's won't understand as much. I'm in that category and had to learn this the tough way.

Shot form video on social media. I want you to test something. Grab your kids phone and scroll their tik tok feed for 10 minutes. (Boo hoo kids privacy... no. You're the parent. They're your responsibility. Get a grip on what they are being exposed to on the internet).

Here's what you'll see

Video 1: Hey my name is NAME and this is what I eat in a day. I FEEL so go so you should try it too!

Video 2: Here's a symptom of depression you didnt know. I felt lonely and I didnt know this was a symptom of depression.

Video 3: Here's a hack to get smarter

Video 4: This is what your best friend is saying behind your back

Video 5: This is how you get abs in time for summer

Video 6: Here's 3 things that made me question my gender

Video 7: I feel really bloated and fat today so today I'm doing a cleanse

Video 8: Here' a funny cat video

If those videos are 30 seconds long, you've downed 8 videos in 4 minutes. Imagine scrolling for 40 minutes. That's 80 videos. 1 hour 20 scroll? 160 videos. Every video sucks you in and gives you advice. Mostly well intentioned, but it's this push and pull with kids minds to think this and think that and have you considered this.

Social media is an extremely value tool. But it has to be used right. Go and watch 10 minutes of your kids tik tok feed and you tell me how you feel after just 10 minutes.

I won't add in any advice on the end of that point, because I'm sure once you've gone through their tik tok feed, you'll know what you want to do with it.

Thank you for reading my rant

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